so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
