I think I died a long time ago.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
