I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
