i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Randomize
