i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
