Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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