about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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