just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
