How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
