i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
