you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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