Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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