There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
