I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
This girl is more easily done than said...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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