I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize