i think i have two assholes
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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