I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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