i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
