She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Found your dick twin last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
