my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
It was confusing and full of hummus
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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