seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
