At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I am available for nakedness
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
