It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
