I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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