haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i think my tv is drunk
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
