Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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