i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
