don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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