Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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