i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
