The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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