i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
