hell yes lets make some ravioli
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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