just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
