So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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