why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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