How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
