What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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