Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
