i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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