Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
