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and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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