we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize