about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
