The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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