somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
