mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
