either way he was missing a nipple.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
