It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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