All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize