So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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