You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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