So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
