So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
