gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
being pregnant is like rehab
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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