I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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