i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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