i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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