I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
