so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
