I just made out with a guy for $7.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
