Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
