I wish I only lived at night.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
