Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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