Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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