Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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