I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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